You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.
C.S. Lewis (via observando)

It’s like he is having a party, and no one showed up TAT

Besides Hannibal, our glass is the only one that’s filled with wine. Is he having us for dinner, by chance?


It’s like he is having a party, and no one showed up TAT

Besides Hannibal, our glass is the only one that’s filled with wine. Is he having us for dinner, by chance?

The distance has widened even more.

I would rather you not be near me at all. It’s easier to bear that way. I feel like every word you speak that is not to me is in spite of me. My heart sinks deeper and deeper and all I can do is guard it carefully. But despite my efforts, you aim at my weakest points with the most precise intentions. Look, he was right. In the end, I’m the one who’s hurt, blogging my sorrows away as I try to ignore your laughter right behind me.

personal post. tl;dr

There is never a right time.

Maybe I should have stayed at work instead of go out for a long break today? Would I have finished my job earlier? If I did, and I came home at 10:20 instead of 10:40, would Jimmy have dropped and broken a glass down the sink?

Would my parents still have reacted the same way? Would I have saved my brothers and myself from crying tonight?

Would we have had to stand around the kitchen, praying for our futures, because we didn’t know if we were going to be left behind or not?

I need to know if I would have made a difference.

I need to know if I somehow keep this family together.

It would be nice to think that.

And really, how could I have thought that I was having a good day? Two days off from work, granted I was occupied with other priorities, left me feeling over the moon and relaxed than I have been for a really long time.

I woke up at the unusual time of 7:55 instead of the usual 10. With my extra time, I took a bit longer to prepare my makeup — eyeliner, mascara, lipstick. I got so many compliments today, having not worn makeup for several months, and I felt so good because I haven’t felt “pretty” in a while. I had a pleasant time at work and everything was at ease. I even had a nice dinner with a coworker and really enjoyed my meal. I was so unusually hyper and crazy that my coworkers had to comment on it several times.

And wow, maybe that was just setting me up for tonight.

After I drove up the driveway and exited my car, my brother Jimmy came out with a bag of trash to put away and said, “I don’t know if you want to try to stop them or not. Maybe you shouldn’t come in.”

And I had to physically grab his arm to take a moment to explain what happened to trigger them.

Because that’s what my parents do, they get triggered. It’s not exactly what happened to cause the argument that matters. Because at the end of the day, what they say is the same. Fucked up communication. Fucked up marriage. Fucked up family. I kept on hearing “This is a bullshit family. This is a bullshit family.”

And these days, I don’t have much going for me but my family. So it sucks to hear that coming from my own mother’s mouth. Really, I haven’t worn mascara in 6 freaking months, yet just an hour ago, black pigments were streaming down my face.

This is why you don’t wear makeup, guys.

Okay, as much shit is going on


Joel de la Fuente’s dictaphone scenes are perfection.

Thank you, thank you. Someone needed to point that out

Hemlock Grove is seriously the greatest thing.

So while catching up on The Vampire Diaries yesterday via the CWTV site before the new episode aired, I saw the trailer for Hemlock Grove and beautiful Landon Liboiron’s face made me open a new tab to renew my account on Netflix (which got cancelled because BoA sent me a new debit card and invalidated my then-current one without notification and I didn’t bother to update my account) just to watch the damn show. I still had one more episode to go before watching yesterday’s but I even found myself skimming through it at some points because I just really wanted to start watching Hemlock Grove.

When I finally got caught up with TVD, I curiously checked out the HG tag on tumblr to see everyone’s reaction and saw all this “WTF is going on, it’s so bad that it’s sooo good, and even with the finale nothing makes sense but I want a second season anyway” and honestly I didn’t think any of this even once while watching. Yeah, some kinks in the show and the dialogue was sometimes WTF (I recommend watching with CC) but I never thought the actions or anything were. The flashbacks were a little hard to chronologically place in my head but it was understandable.

Also everyone’s acting was PHENOMENAL. No, really, I don’t ever remember cringing at anybody’s acting. (Which is why I’m so confused that other peple think otherwise.) Also the show actually made all the supernatural stuff seem so damn normal, which was refreshing. Like it was so awesome how Peter and Roman (and OMG MY HEART, THEY ARE SO IN LOVE. OR MORE LIKE ROMAN IS. ROMAN IS TOTALLY THE LOVESICK FOOL HERE.) understood each other’s abilities inherently. Just, omg. Seriously.

Thank god the whole show was just THERE because I would’ve shitted balls waiting for each episode. Netflix, you fucking angel.

Also there are seriously no filler scenes here. Like everything in the show matters. It’s like one long ass movie that Netflix just conveniently broke down into digestible episodes.

Anyways, I am just so in love and I want a second season and I would totally buy the DVD set and Roman and Peter make each other’s hearts swoon and that makes me happy.




Dove hired a forensic artist to draw how women see themselves versus how others see them.

“You are more beautiful than you think.”

I was staring so intently enamored with RDJ that I failed to acknowledge the mass of Iron Man masks behind him… I’m freaked.

50 Questions You've Never Been Asked

  • 1. What's your favorite candle scent?
  • Warm Vanilla would be my generic answer.
  • 2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?
  • Leighton Meester
  • 3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?
  • Older brother: Grant Gustin
  • Younger brother: Harry Styles
  • 4. How old do you think you'll be when you get married?
  • Mid-30's if being realistic.
  • 5. Do you know a hoarder?
  • I would consider my packratting tendencies to be borderline myself...
  • 6. Can you do a split?
  • Nope.
  • 7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?
  • Never have yet!!
  • 8. How many oceans have you swam in?
  • One.
  • 9. How many countries have you been to?
  • One.
  • 10. Is anyone in your family in the army?
  • Nope.
  • 11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?
  • I switch a lot: Notre (via Notre Dame, lol), Audelia (via a highway exit sign), Audrey (of course), Leigh (via Leighton Meester), Madison (because my name is Melissa), Terry (because gender-neutral is the way to go), London (or other cities), Isolde (because nerd), Iris, Marigold (yes it's a flower), Camillia (another flower)... OK, I jsut ended up doing overnight research on baby names. Stop me.
  • 12. What would you name your son if you had one?
  • This is easier since I want a son first, haha. Dominick, Gabriel, Luke, Nathaniel, Elliot, Elias, Draco, Tobi (girl spelling, I know), Austin, Jude, Lionel, Theodore, Nicholas, Apollo, Landon, Cameron, Seth, Sebastian...
  • 13. What's the worst grade you got on a test?
  • 0 (zero), for not showing up.
  • 14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?
  • Blue's Clues, Spongebob, Hey Arthur, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Scooby-Doo, Powerpuff Girls, Johnny Bravo, Tom & Jerry, Popeye the Sailor Man, Sailor Moon, Pokemon, Digimon, etc. 90's kid!
  • 15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?
  • Ugh, don't remember. Pirate or 50's girl.
  • 16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?
  • Harry Potter
  • 17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?
  • BRITISH. They sound so proper no matter what they say. It's brilliant.
  • 18. Did your mother go to college?
  • Nope.
  • 19. Are your grandparents still married?
  • Yes.
  • 20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?
  • Nope.
  • 21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?
  • Of course. Ever seen his reaction videos on YT for 2girls1cup? LOL.
  • 22. What's the first amusement park you've been to?
  • Six Flags Over Texas
  • 23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?
  • Japanese, French...
  • 24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?
  • Grey (Gray sounds more like Gravy to me...?)
  • 25. Is your father bald?
  • Nope, but he's getting there!
  • 26. Do you know triplets?
  • Nope.
  • 27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?
  • 28. Have you ever had Indian food?
  • Yes.
  • 29. What's the name of your favorite restaurant?
  • Sushi-Sake, Spiral's Diner (a vegan place), TJ's Fish Market...
  • 30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?
  • Yes, once for a friend's b-day. Didn't fancy it much.
  • 31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ's, etc.)?
  • Costco and Sam's Club.
  • 32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?
  • Good question. But it'd be anything that starts with an "M" since that was the purpose of Melissa since it fell under the same first initial of my father's Chinese name. If I was born a year later though (as a boy) when my father changed his name to James, my name would start with a "J".
  • 33. If you have a nickname, what is it?
  • Mel, Melly, Mello, Melon, among others.
  • 34. Who's your favorite person in the world?
  • Ugh, this is too hard. I have many loves in my life thankfully.
  • 35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?
  • Suburbs compared to rural. City compared to suburbs.
  • 36. Can you whistle?
  • Not a peep.
  • 37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?
  • I used to religiously. Now I hate the thing.
  • 38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?
  • Unfortunately not.
  • 39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?
  • Nope.
  • 40. What medical conditions do you have?
  • None.
  • 41. How many times have you been to the hospital?
  • For visits, my birth... maybe 15 times at most.
  • 42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?
  • You have no idea. My generation LIVES for Finding Nemo. I watched it so many times at school during exam weeks (even in Spanish for Spanish class), in addition to reruns on TV, our own personal DVD copy, in theatre upon release...
  • 43. Where do you buy your jeans?
  • Rock & Republic, True Religion, J Brand, Joe's Jeans, Zara.
  • 44. What's the last compliment you got?
  • My glasses.
  • 45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?
  • Ugh, no. : (
  • 46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?
  • Green tea, English Breakfast, Earl Grey, Ginger.
  • 47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?
  • About 40.
  • 48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?
  • Buddhist Agnostic, ideally. I'd like to raise them with the moral foundation my family has grown up with, but I don't want them to deny the existence of other higher beings. I want them to respect all religions.
  • 49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn't real?
  • Maybe 6?
  • 50. Why do you have a tumblr?
  • Good question. It's ruined my life.